Tonight seem very peaceful. Suffice it to say, I am utterly drained. Had about 4 hours of sleep last night. I wonder how people survived now days with that much sleep....
Anyway, back to my thoughts..Michael and I reconnected for almost 7 months now. Things are splendid for the most part. Our dealings with each other has drastically changed. Not so much drama like it used to. It shouldn't be. Michael and I are in a much better stage of our lives now. Things are much more clear between us. We've found a true definition to our relationship...I know we've always loved each other. Our desire to be with each other was so strong that it manifested in so many ways. It was so obvious to those who's watching from the outside. We tried to abate and plastered our obvious feelings for each other with denial, but it only made things worse.
Things fell apart between us over a year ago. I drove our love to end unknowingly. I didn't know what to do at the time. I was very confuse and lost of direction. I was back and forth and simply cannot make up my mind. I confused Michael as well to a point where he thought I was just playing games and that he got "played". For the way I acted then, I wouldn't blame him for thinking and believing so...
Michael's love was always solid and unwavering towards me. It stayed like that until I pushed him away. We fell apart for several months (close to 10 months). Our last encountered left us with NO closure. We barely said goodbye. In fact, it ended very bitterly and quickly. Needless to say, that temporary break was "necessary" and vital. It helped us do the right thing and it gave us a more clarity to make lucid judgment and decisions.
Almost a year later, him and I reconnected. Michael attempted to contact me so many times while we were apart. Via text, facebook and sometimes a call. I've painfully declined all contact from the beginning by not responding. It took every strength that I had NOT say anything but I knew it had to be done. I firmly believed that it was destructive for him and I to be in contact with each other while we were having to deal with a lot of things in front of us. So I made him a bargain--and that was to tell him NOT to communicate with me and to come to me only when things are taken care of from both ends (my side and his side). The process took a while especially on his side due to the "mishaps" that he had to deal with. He explained the dilema, and the "SITUATION" that he was faced against on his first few e-mails but I ignored it.
As months passes, things started to become more clear. As intended, I wanted to clear my mind before I wanted Michael back in my life again...Furthermore, while taking a break and dusting myself off, I also did a lot of self reflection as far as where I stand, how I feel about relationships and how I really felt about us.
I did not want him to distract me while I took the time to recognize some important things about me and what I want.
Suffice it to say, those months of break was essential for healing (at least it was for me). It was such a crucial stage in my life where I really needed to be alone, ponder about a lot of things.
I eventually made it through the rough patch and decided to return the correspondences from him "slowly". Then from there, the channel of communication was open between us again. But this time, it was different. We have both been through a lot. A LOT of changes that is...And from there, we picked up where we left off but this time, it was so much better and clearer (at the very least, it was for me). LOL
Taking you to our present life--things have not been perfect. We have our quarrel and problems. Actually, now that we're husband and wife, life is more realistic. Dealing with the daily grind, kids, work, house chores, bills, and a lot of day to day mundane routine.
We haven't seen Michael's girls in a while. I miss them. Someday they will be here again. We're having to jump through hoops to get this taken care of. But I pray that someday, he will have his 3 girls closer to him.
Okay, enough with the boring, mellow dramatic, soap opera part of this blog. I'm not going to fail to recognize the fact that my "love story" with my current husband is almost as good as the movie "The Notebook". LOL. It's unconventional, unique, intense, real, a roller coaster, full of hardship in the beginning but finally became a happily ever after story.
To those who has witnessed and have seen us back then can testify the same thing. My husband DID EVERYTHING to chase after me, to show me he wanted nothing but me, to make me his and only his, and sacrificed EVERYTHING just to be with me. I can confidently say and validate that I have NEVER seen nor have I known anyone who pursued after someone so hard as much as Michael pursued and have worked so hard just to be with me. It was two forces and gravity that even the world cannot seperate. From the very first day we met, our life was forever changed---I changed his and he changed mine. THAT WAS US, AND IT WILL REMAIN THAT WAY. Nevertheless, every effort, struggles, and frustration was ALL worth it! My love only grows stronger each day for him.
Michael wasn't EXACTLY part of my plan when we first met; but things ended up that way anyway.... LOL. I never pre-meditated or plan anything. In fact, I used to think he was insane, out of his mind, delusional whenever he would pull me aside and sneakily tell me his feelings. Each time he would divulge his emotions, I remember rolling my eyes, poking fun of him and laughing.
Heck, he thinks back then (and now) that I am WAYYYY WAYYY out of his league and he still have a hard time believing in the beginning (and presently)that a girl "like me" would even look at him and married him for that matter!. But I proved him WRONG! Absolutely wrong! hahaha. And yes, I have ceased the poking fun of him and obviously have taken him seriously (when appropriate). LOL
Hmmm...sleep deprivation sure have a significant effect on my ability to keep my thoughts together. I can't seem to stay awake so I'm going to close this blog for tonight.
Wow, this is my best attempt to condense everything that has happened with me in the past 7 months....I'm going to vaguely add here that Vance is growing so fast!!! He's such an intelligent, sometimes stubborn, witty little boy. He's just like me and sometimes just like his dad too!!
Talking about his dad, he is temporarily residing in Atlanta. He graduated law school last year and is now practicing law. He gets Vance every weekend. He's engaged to a fine young woman from here. Unfortunately for me, I am stuck here in the south until Vance is at the appropriate age (whenever that might be).
This boy is the center of mine and his dad's life right now. His mom is a Personal Banker and his dad is an Attorney, I have a good feeling that he will be spoiled rotten.
Oh yea, my Personal Banker training starts this Friday in Huntsville. Michael and Vance are coming with me. We will be spending our 3 days in a hotel that my company has booked for me. I will be in class/training during the day and Michael and Vance will find things to do while I'm in class. Fortunately, the hotel is close to the space museum. So I could imagine they'll spend quite some time there.
No comments:
Post a Comment